The Horrific Quality of "Being a Girl"

Last night, in all of my 8 months pregnant glory, I sat outside Perdue's with my family to celebrate my dad's birthday. It was hot, humid and this hot pocket inside of me was cooking away. Perdue's had a wait as they always do on a Saturday night, so we sat waiting outside in Central Illinois' armpit quality humidity.

As we waited a trio walked up; what looked like two brothers and one of their significant others. She was a lovely, put together young woman who probably once was a girl herself. Ben had taken Finley on a walk to entertain him, so it was just my dad, his wife and myself.

The uncoupled brother walks inside while the couple waited outside. Moments later, the single brother pops his head out and says, "Come on you guys, come inside to wait," and heads back in. The couple starts walking in and I hear the young woman ask her date, "What's going on? There's no way our table is ready."

Her date's reply?

"I dunno. He's just being a girl because he doesn' t want to wait outside."

Being a girl.

I've heard this used before. I've PROBABLY even said it before in my younger days. But it had never hit me like it did last night. Maybe it's because I sat there in all of my 'girlness' with a, gasp, GIRL inside of me, that it really hit me. Hard. It hit me so hard I was speechless, which doesn't happen often for me.

This guy said this as he walked in with his date, a GIRL. He said it as he walked by me, a GIRL. He said it as he walked by my step mother, a GIRL, who has raised two amazing GIRLS herself. He said it as he walked by my father, who also raised two GIRLS.

What if I was African American? What if he had walked by and in the same derogatory tone replied "He's being black."

What if I had special needs and he had told her "He's being retarded."

Are you feeling uncomfortable yet? It makes me uncomfortable to even type those sentences. Hopefully it would be uncomfortable for him to ever utter THOSE words. But "being a girl" came out of his mouth quite effortlessly and I can't help but wonder what his date thought. Did she notice? Did it make her feel uncomfortable? Did it make her mad?

I hope so. And I hope she called him out on it. If I'm upset about anything, I'm upset I didn't stand up for girls. For young ladies. For women. For 50% of the population. I just sat there, shocked, that this young man had the lackadaisical attitude toward females that he would say that when he was outnumbered 3-2. Shocked that he was so blind to see whom he was surrounded by. Shocked that he would say this to his DATE.

Run, girl, run!  Get out while you can!

So, I'm speaking up now. Telling someone they are 'being a girl' is not okay. It's never used as good qualifier. It's generally said by (usually) men, often in the 10-35ish age range to discount their comrades and tell them they are weak. And it's disgusting.

Why is it okay to say this? This is completely a rhetorical question because at this time, I can't answer it.

When do we start discounting our mothers, aunts, grandmothers and sisters and why are we letting this happen? Will Finley see me as weaker than Ben someday? Not just physically, but in a BAD way, like I can't handle the pressure of life as well as Ben can. Will Baby V (a GIRL) put herself in a weaker category than her older brother the first time she overhears a male told they are 'being a girl?' Will this make her feel like she shouldn't set her sights as high?

This is depressing.

As soon as I found out I was having a girl I was thrilled. But now, I'm panicking.  I'm panicking because of circumstances like this. I'm going to be raising a little girl in a society that has pockets that STILL degrades being female. How is this even possible? Our culture has come SO FAR but is still uttering these words.

I really do want to start a conversation here.  Tell me, do you hear this phrase a lot?  Sometimes?  Never?  How do you respond, or do you sit speechless, as I did?  As a parent, how do you raise your daughters and sons to counteract this aspect of our society?  Or do you say this phrase?  And if you do, will you still after reading this?